The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
