and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
