Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize