They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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