dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
