I have demons in me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
