Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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