i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
