Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
