why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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