I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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