dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
