I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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