The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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