I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
