Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
