glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
