I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
