And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
