the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
