I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
