1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
