I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
