I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The power of my boobs compel you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
