I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
