Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
