so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
