Your mouth is God's brothel.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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