You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
