I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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