either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
