So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
