I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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