can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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