you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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