in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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