your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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