Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
