nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
