She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
