Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
