he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
