She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
