Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
