M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
