Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
