But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
