I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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