no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
