The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
