worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize