im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My penis needs a shock collar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
