Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
