All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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