you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
