Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
