Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
