Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
