I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Vodka?
Forever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
