forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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