I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
