Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize