My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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