You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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