My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
