you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
