i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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