Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
