i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
