hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How naked do you want me to be?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
