did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
