please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
