DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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