That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
