I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize