So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
