My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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