the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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