Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
