So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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