just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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