i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my poor anus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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