I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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