Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
