i don't like sucking hair
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
