I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
