I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
