at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
