Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
