Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
