So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
