please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize